Children’s Adaptation to Parental Divorce

During a divorce, the family is in crisis. The situation is one of chaos – and you need to put some order to help your child adapt to this overwhelming change. The home, the center of the comfort zone, suddenly threatens to crumble and security disappears.

That’s why helping children adapt to parental divorce is a complex task. The child is probably suffering and divorce represents a complete change in his life. Besides, divorces are usually associated with arguments, disagreements, relationship problems, and some degree of psychological violence.

Factors that affect children’s adaptation to parental divorce

_{Photo by Ketut Subiyanto.}

Going through a divorce is tough for everyone involved – but it can be especially difficult for children. While some kids seem to adapt quickly and easily, others may struggle for months or even years… So, what factors affect how well children adjust to their parent’s divorce?

Age is one important factor. Younger children tend to have a harder time understanding what’s happening and may blame themselves for the divorce. They may also have a harder time coping with the changes in their daily routine such as spending less time with one parent or having to move to a new house. On the other hand, older children are more likely to understand what’s going on and accept that it’s not their fault (but they may still struggle with intense emotions, including anger, sadness, and anxiety).

Another important factor is the relationship between the parents. If the divorce is amicable and the parents are able to communicate and cooperate well, the kids are more likely to adjust than if the divorce is hostile and the parents are constantly arguing.

The way the parents handle the divorce also makes a difference. If they try to shelter their children from the details or pretend everything is okay when it’s not, kids may have a harder time understanding and accepting what’s happening. But if the parents are honest about what’s going on and involve the kids in decisions when possible, children will likely find it easier to adapt.

You must make clear some rules and get your child to know what’s happening. Answer questions such as:

Who gets the children?
What is the new relationship between parents?
How do changes in the material conditions affect your child?
What changes in routines, school environment, and social relationships are your children facing?
Who Gets the Children?

Parents must agree with whom the child will stay. Child custody should be granted to the member of the couple who is most emotionally linked to the children; more related to the satisfaction of their needs and with real possibilities of guaranteeing a better education. However, such a decision should be consensual.

Changes in life conditions

_{Photo by Valeria Ushakova.}

Parental divorce often entails changes in lifestyle and economic conditions for children. The standard of living for children usually decreases after a parental divorce because there is less money to go around.

In some cases, one parent may move out of the family home and the child may have to change schools. If the custodial parent remarries, the child may have to share their home and parents’ attention with half-siblings. All of these changes can be difficult for children to adjust to.

Additionally, the divorce decision includes physical separation – and with this, the decision of whether the children keep living in the same house. The ideal situation would be to avoid the children having to change houses. If the parents prevent children from having to move house, they will avoid additional complications for their children.

Changes in routines

_{Photo by Ketut Subiyanto.}

For children, routines provide a sense of stability and security… But when parents divorce, those routines are often disrupted. Bedtimes may change, mealtimes may be different – and family traditions may be put on hold. It can be a lot for kids to adjust to!

That’s why it’s important for divorced parents to work together to create new routines that work for everyone. It may take some trial and error to find what works best, but it’s worth the effort. By establishing new routines, parents can help their children feel more secure during a time of transition.

Changes in the school environment

_{Photo by Max Fischer.}

Another important aspect is the adaptation to a new school. If the child changes houses, it is unlikely that he will stay in the same school. If the change is necessary, the family should try to make it happen once the school year is over.

The school involves a complex relationship system with other individuals and groups that the child takes time and effort to build. Adapting to a new school would imply (besides the loss) a new environment, at a time that logically is not optimal from an emotional point of view.

Changes in social relationships

_{Photo by Daria Obymaha.}

Both parents should worry about maintaining the child’s relationships with their closest friends as much as possible. At least, until the child can achieve substitute relationships in the new environment.

Parental divorce can have a lasting effect on children’s social lives. As they grow up, they may find it harder to form and maintain close relationships. They may also become more withdrawn and less likely to confide in others.

While it is natural for children to experience some social setbacks after their parent’s divorce, there are things that can be done to help them overcome these challenges. For example, parents can encourage their children to stay involved in activities that they enjoy. They can also provide them with opportunities to meet new people and form new friendships. Likewise, both parents must ensure that the child’s relationship with his family on the part of his ex-partner doesn’t deteriorate.

A divorce is a traumatic experience for children… But you can make it a bit better anyway!

_{Photo by cottonbro studio.}

The house, material living conditions, the standard of living, school, and relationships with siblings, family, and friends are additional losses that can add to the divorce – and complicate the adaptation of children.

So, this is a situation you have to consider carefully and set your emotions apart as much as possible to make rational decisions. This will benefit your children and guarantee their well-being in the long term despite the crisis in the family.

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_{Featured Image: Photo by cottonbro studio.}